nola_cyclops | (no subject)

I've never been farther than Washington DC.

The Summers family is from Anchorage. I quit the X-Men once and moved back there. I keep thinking about taking you there. Or, if we go back, leaving the hero job and retiring there.

I definitely want to go, if it's an important place for you. But retiring? You're really thinking about that?

I consider it every time I read what I recently set into motion has been causing. Another issue, another team member dies. One who looks at me while he's dying and says you killed me, Scott Summers. My leadership isn't working. Wolverine walked away. Shan too. And I nearly got Alex killed – something has happened to his powers. I'm not sure how to help my people, or if I should.

Sugar, I really think you shouldn't be reading that. There's nothing you can do but get upset and blame yourself. We don't even know that it IS you there and not something wearing your form.

I know you're probably right.

I'm not saying you shouldn't retire or shouldn't care about what's happening there. But obsessing over something you can't stop and might not even be at fault for is only hurting you.

You are right.

You're not going to stop.

I'm going to try. I just need to feel like I'm doing something.

Are there like comic book review blogs or something? So you can know what's happening without reading every single horrible moment.

Yes, but they tend to editorialize. I read a whole blog about how something I recently did was my "only true superhero moment" in years. The internet here, like there, does not care for me.

Do you want me to read them? And of course you're a true superhero, fuck them.

I don't care about their commentary, but I also don't want to read it. And I don't want you to have to read these things. You shouldn't have to.

But I probably won't take it to heart the same way you do.

I'm not so sure.

Fine, do what you're going to do.

Oliver.

I'm going outside to scream.

Hey.

Yes?

I'm not brushing off your help.

I understand.

You worry so much about me that I think if you were looking at these things -- aside from the generally awful feeling that comes with seeing our people like this -- you'd be distressed. I can't in good conscience hand something like that to you to give myself some relief. I don't want to cause you that kind of pain. I think you're right that we should just stop engaging, and that's my plan. So will you do that with me? I just don't want to watch you suffer.

Of course I will. I'm sorry I freaked out. I was arguing with Seth at the same time I was talking to you and it all hit me at the same time.